Postnatal depression can affect men too
This is the reality of my husband’s postnatal depression and suicide.
A little boy who will never know his dad. And a wife, who will forever wish she could turn back the clock in time to save the love of her life.
For the reality is, that the loss of you, dear husband, father, and gentle peaceful man, will never really leave us.
It will forever be woven into the soul of our son, who may not have had much time to know you, but will undoubtedly carry with him forever, the consequences of your passing.
And not only will a hole be left in his heart, in the space that his Daddy would surely have filled, but I’m quite sure now, there will be a hole left by me, too.
For your son was raised, from 12 days old, by me, a grieving widow, whose tears flowed freely down my cheeks for months on end. Until six months had passed, and those around me helped me to pick myself up. For my sons sake, they said. Yet even then, the tears did not stop, they landed instead, in silent puddles on my sheets.
Yes the reality is, we will never heal from losing you. But with all that I am, I will continue to mother our son. Putting one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.
Though we will forever bare your loss on our souls, as our son grows, I know he will cherish the 7 photos and 1 video we have of the two of you together. Though for both him and I, this will never be enough.
Dear husband, I might not ever know your pain and I pray i never will. But i know now, what it’s like to be scared, lonely, tired, and overwhelmed. And I now know what it’s like to cry myself to sleep every night for a year.
And though one day, the tears will be gone. The pain, I don't think will ever fade. For every milestone our son makes, and every one of his beautiful smiles you miss, I will wish you were here, smiling along with me too.
For suicide is real, and it’s not going away any time soon.
So today, I'll do what I can, to bring awareness to the devastating outcomes of postnatal depression which can affect fathers too.
Written and shared with permission, by one of our brave Village Kiwi mothers.